I just canceled my netflix, disney plus, and amazon prime. I just wasn't using them very much. Seems stupid to spend $15+ per service for things I don't even use anymore. God knows it will be easy enough to start them back up again should I ever want to.
There's just other stuff I'd rather do. Watching tv series and movies basically comes dead last in the list of stuff to do. For now, if I want to watch something, I'll do that on youtube. I have a vast collection of games on Steam to play. I have library books to read. I have writing to do, I have this website I can play with. Not to mention, we don't even have a tv anymore now that our stuff got packed up for the move.
Yesterday I had a bit of a mental health revelation. I was sitting and enjoying the evening, having dinner and listening to the cicadas, looking outside at the explosively green plants and vibrant blue sky. I thought to myself, this is perfect. But then, I started getting some small symptoms of anxiety. Over-awareness of my body is normally how it manifests. And I realized that even very positive emotions can come bundled with a negative emotion. Specifically, appreciating this beautiful Japanese summer made me realize that this will be our last summer here. Soon, we will be back in the united states.
It's been long enough since I've been in the US that instead of remembering the nice bits, I just think of the horrible parts. The awful street-roads. Vast parking lots as far as the eye can see. Traffic. Cars zooming past at 100 mph. Honestly, most of the things I don't like about the US is related to cars. The streets here may be uncomfortably narrow and the cars absurdly tiny, but at least everyone drives very slow. 40 mph is fast here. Most of the city roads are 40 kilometers per hour, which is about 25 mph. The fastest I regularly drive here is 70 kph on the expressway, which equals about 43 mph. And that feels fast! I can't even imagine driving at 70 mph and having people zooming out from behind me, like they do in the US. I'm going to be pooping my pants the first time I drive on the highway in the US again.
Anyway. I have been trying hard lately to consciously recognize my feelings when they happen. When I was younger, I wanted to be like a robot and have no feelings whatsoever. If I couldn't detect any emotions in myself when something emotional happened, I thought that was good. Now I realize I was just repressing those emotions, and when I do that, there's a chance it will come back with a vengeance as some form of anxiety.