I finally went to this cafe I've been wanting to try for like, two weeks now. This is the first time I've eaten out in probably a month, and holy shit, it was so good. I got an iced latte and french toast. I'm sure I've blown past my self-imposed daily sugar limit, and I will probably regret having caffeine this late in the morning, but who cares.
It can be really easy for me to get stuck into a routine, and it takes a lot of freaking willpower to deviate from it. I was going to go to the above cafe yesterday, but I didn't go because my cat sat on my lap right when I was about to leave. I am the type of person who can eat the same thing for breakfast every day for years. I have eaten the same thing for breakfast every day for years, in fact. I know routines can be good, but it can feel refreshing to finally do something different.
So yeah, the past few days have been kind of hard. I've had a change of moving plans, and on top of that, even more changes of plans that are completely outside of my control, but that do have a big impact on me. I have been feeling miserable, but today I finally feel optimistic. Maybe it takes a few days for changes in plan to sink into my brain and not feel catastrophic. In my last blog post I wrote about trying to control my bad habits and turn them into better ones. I have two bad habits that I am still really struggling with, which are a) eating tasty things, and b) buying useless shit.
The only new, good habit I've introduced to replace these things is exercising, which seems to be doing actual good for my mental state. I'm not even kidding, my anxiety levels have greatly reduced to the point where I don't even feel like I'm teetering on the brink of sanity anymore. No more feeling like I'm going to give myself some horrible internal bodily malfunction just by thinking too hard. So I am grateful for that. But I am still struggling with my other less-than-ideal coping mechanisms. I mean, I just ate a bunch of sugar in the form of delicious french toast, complete with caramel syrup. Meanwhile, my little consumerist brain is chugging away in the background, thinking about buying some nice watercolors. Am I going to be packing everything I own and bringing it onto an airplane in a matter of months? Yes, but consumer-brain doesn't care. It wants a nice little treat, every single day.
